For almost five or six weeks sleep has been my elusive friend.
Some nights aren’t too bad – I can actually fall asleep at a decent time. Other nights are spent lying awake until sleep actually comes at some ungodly time in the morning.
I have seen almost every single sunrise these past several weeks. Morning comes too soon almost everyday. 4AM seems to be the normal rising time now and the sunrise comes a couple of hours later.
I’ve started writing things down when I’m up in an attempt to get off my brain and into a form that’s less jumbled and a little more orderly. It helps, I guess. I haven’t felt this spacey since my high school studies proved to be too overwhelming and I felt like I was drowning in school/homework.
I miss my normal routine of waking up at 6AM, after the sun’s already peeked over the horizon. I miss having a much clearer brain and clearer thought process. I miss feeling fine in the known.
Waking up with four, if I’m lucky, hours of sleep leaves me feeling forgetful, semi-lethargic by lunch, and craving caffeine at sunup.
I could just roll over and take the punches that life throws, and maybe this will get better with time, but my brain wants to mourn the loss of normalcy while my heart reminds me I’ll be ok in the end.
Things are being sorely missed by me right now but I can’t just snap my fingers and things go back to the way they were.
That’s a heavy declaration and I won’t ignore it now that it’s been said.
I choose then to roll with the punches and see where this goes and what I discover about myself in the end.