Maybe I’ll forgive.
The last time I checked, I’m 100% human. As such, I’d like to point out that I’m flawed. Extremely flawed.
My emotions dictate my actions. My brain thinks not so nice things. My mouth voices those not so nice things. My heart hardens against those I feel have wronged me.
There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging my faults/flaws/erroneous ways. They’re only problematic when they prevent me from doing what I should.
Forgiveness isn’t a gift I easily bestow. Why? Because I don’t feel it’s deserved. Why? This is where I shrug and say, lamely, “Because.” Yeah, I know that’s lame but it’s the truth. It’s self-preservation. It puts up a guard around my head, heart, and emotions to prevent that kind of hurt from happening again. But in doing so, I refuse to move on. And by not moving on, I allow a host of other things to take root: bitterness, anger, hate.
All of this could be prevented if I could just forgive.
So today, while I’m not hurting from someone’s wrong doings against me, I am saying yes to learning to forgive more easily. Oh, I know it won’t be easy, and I know I’ll flat out refuse to. But I hope it doesn’t take me days, weeks, months or years before I can finally say, “I forgive you.”