Rise & Stretch

In an effort to get back into shape and to get healthier, I’ve started doing yoga.

Years ago, I took yoga at a community college. Bikram yoga 🙂 This type of yoga is usually done in a room heated to just over 100 degrees, but the teacher I had took pity on us and set the thermostat between 90 and 95. Since it was wintertime, he said he didn’t want us getting sick going in and out of the cold.

During that class, I learned how intense yoga can be. I thought it’d be super easy–go in, do some stretches, relax, go home.

Wrong! 🙂

Yoga was more than stretches. It was about focus, about posture, about muscles, about breathing. It helps relax you, helps strengthen your core muscles, and helps loosen stiff joints.

While some may scoff at the idea of doing yoga as a way to get back in shape, I don’t. See, it’s been years since I’ve done more than moderate exercise (i.e. walking) I figured yoga would be a good place for me start.

And it is.

My long term goal is to make yoga a daily routine for me, and to go from walking to running again. I want to be able to play with my kids, to run around with them at parks, to show them how to make good choices for their health. I want to be able to have many years with my husband, years hopefully free of long term illnesses and disease. I want to prolong, maybe even avoid, the diseases that seem to follow people in my family–diabetes, hypertension, high blood pressure, etc.

I want life, love, happiness, and good health. 🙂

And by adding exercising to what I already have (life, love, and happiness) I know I’ll be in good health in no time.

Watch Them Grow

Kid 2 is twelve days old now.

And she’s filling in more too. Her face is rounder, her body more solid.

B and I marvel at her strength, at how much she reminds us of Kid 1 when she was Kid 2’s age.

Kid 2 has been able to lift her head on her own since she was five days old. She’s got a killer grip for an infant, and she can (with a little bit of support) stand upright for a few seconds.

It’s amazing to watch her grow.

And completely humbling to know that God’s entrusted us with her, and her sister’s, care.

So we’ll strive to raise them as God would have us raise them, pray for His guidance in their lives, make sure they know we love them equally, hope they understand that they are not carbon copies of each other but beautiful individuals crafted for a specific purpose by their Father.

And years from now we’ll reminisce over their rambunctious and wild behavior as children, laugh at those “embarrassing” moments they had during their teenage years, and marvel at their accomplishments.

We’ll watch them grow from infants to children to teens to women.

And pray we’ll survive with all our faculties in tact. 😉

August 8, 2012

Almost a month ago, I found out I’m pregnant with Kid 2. 🙂

About a week after that, I was over it. LOL That might sound horrible but those that know me, know I was the same way when pregnant with Kid 1. Does that mean I regret getting pregnant? Absolutely not. It just means I’m part of that small percentage of women that don’t enjoy being pregnant.

But, enough griping.

Two children is what B and I planned for early on in our marriage. Yeah, some couples probably don’t talk kids that early but we did. We planned for two and (yay!) we’re having our second next year.

You know how people say every pregnancy is different? Yeah. I now know what they mean.

Kid 1 was a super easy pregnancy. I ate everything and anything, never had nausea, and was my normal (define that how you will) self for the most part. Kid 1, further along in the pregnancy, hardly moved too. Kid 1 would roll or have hiccups but wasn’t a kicker or stretcher.

Kid 2… Yeah, this one’s like the dark side of the moon. Eating’s a chore. I don’t eat much it seems in comparison to the first pregnancy. Food’s the enemy. Sometimes it’s just the smell of food that’ll make my stomach roll. I wonder if my face turns green? Hmm… Might have to ask B to take a picture, lol.

I’m also more emotional during this pregnancy. Things that normally wouldn’t make me get all teary-eyed do just that. There’s more moments than I can count where my heart’s in my throat or I’m overwhelmed to the point that it’s difficult to speak.

But there’s one thing that’s the same now as it was with Kid 1 – forgetfulness.

Dude! LOL I forget so much. I mean, I was forgetful before but now… Psh! You’re lucky if I remember tomorrow what I did today!

There’s ups and downs to being pregnant but I’m happy that I am. Kid 1’s ready for a brother or sister. While B is anxious for a son (what father isn’t?) and Kid 1 is equally anxious for a sister, I’m just anxious to give birth to a healthy baby. Every parent’s dream is to welcome a healthy baby into this world, but even when that dream is taken away, we don’t voice our displeasure over having a child with disabilities. Every child is precious. Every child deserves to be loved. Every child is a gift.

To Kid 2 –

I can’t wait for you to arrive. No, seriously, I can’t, lol! One, you’ll be out of me! But two (and most importantly) you’ll be here. 🙂

I can’t wait for you to meet Kid 1. She’s a handful – independent, stubborn, opinionated, but so helpful and loving. And I can’t wait for you to meet your dad. He’s an amazing man who works hard, loves harder, and (in truth) is like a big kid. 🙂 You’ll love messing around with him like Kid 1 does.

You’ll be here next spring *sigh* which isn’t soon enough. See you then. 🙂

Understanding and Waiting

Warning: Post contains talk of pregnancy and menstrual cycles. If those make you squeamish, please stop reading.

B and I have been trying for maybe three or four months (maybe more) for Baby #2.

So far, no success.

For those who know me, you remember that I was kind of “Eh, whatever” when I was pregnant with The Kid. It was an easy pregnancy, but I hated it. Eight weeks in and I was done with being pregnant.

This time around is a complete 180. I’ m ready to be pregnant. I want to be pregnant. So why aren’t I?

For the months we’ve been trying, I’ve cried every time my period started. Disappointment like I’ve never known plagued me each of those times. “Why” was on the tip of my tongue.

B told me that when it happens, it happens.

Do you know how hard it is to believe those words when all I want is an answer to why?

Getting pregnant the first time was easy. So why’s it taking so long this time?

*shrug* I don’t know.

I do know that this month (like the previous months), I’m not pregnant. My period started and, once again, I’m disappointed. I haven’t cried – I refuse to – but I’m also trying not to think about it. If I do, what little control I have over my emotions regarding this issue will shatter, and I’ll be an emotional wreck.

I don’t know or understand why conceiving is taking longer this time. I don’t. And I don’t know when we’ll be able to share the great news that we’re having another baby.

So we wait and keep trying.

And it’s hard to wait, especially when there are so many beautiful couples in our life that are expecting. It’s difficult (I will admit) to say congratulations to them, to hug and smile and laugh with them, to look at the expectant mother’s stomach knowing there’s a tiny life growing in there, to listen to talk of nursery colors and baby names.

I’m excited for each of these couples we know, and I pray that their baby is born healthy and the mother is kept safe in God’s hands during the entire pregnancy. Having a child truly is a blessing.

So here’s to celebrating with others while we anxiously wait for our turn. Here’s to listening to excited chatter about names, nursery colors and themes, pregnancy questions, expectations and fears. Here’s to the joy each of these couples will experience when their new baby arrives.

And here’s to waiting, to understanding, to accepting a plan greater than our own.

***
God –

You know how much we so want to experience the joys of conception, pregnancy, and birth again. We may not understand why this time’s taking longer, but we know You’ve got it under control.

So keep us, especially me, in the right frame of mind. Help me wait until it’s time. Help me be patient (’cause You know I suck at being patient). Help me rely on You and Your timing.

And when I feel ready to break down, remind me of the joy You gave us almost five years ago when You trusted us with The Kid. Help me not to forget the one we already have even as we anxiously wait for Baby #2.

Me

Find your passion

Most of us dream big as children. We have lofty visions of becoming firemen, doctors, teachers, lawyers, police officers. We dream of becoming a world-renowned sports figure, or the next great inventor. We believe we can achieve anything because there’s nothing standing in our way, nothing stopping us.

As children.

Those same dreams, visions and passions may carry on into our teenage and adult years. We might actually accomplish the goals we set out for ourselves oh-so-long-ago. We might cross that finish line, arms held high, triumph and pride glowing from the huge grin on our faces.

But what happens when life doesn’t happen like we wanted it to? What about that huge monkey wrench that threw your life into a spiral? What happens when your dreams disappear down a drain because of something you had no control over?

Human nature demands denial, anger and vengeance for what we were robbed of. After all, that dream, that goal, was my baby. Why shouldn’t I be upset?

But if all your time and energy is focused on what you had are you even noticing what you could have?

It’s easy to get caught up in a pity party, even easier to stay there when people around you don’t encourage you to move on. Empathy is a beautiful thing, comparable to a warm blanket wrapped around your shoulders after a particularly chilly day. The flip side is that too much of it sucks at your feet like a mud pit, keeping you in place, drying and hardening until standing still is all you remember how to do.

Staying there is a choice. Moving on is a choice. It’s easier to stay because… Well, emotionally driven creatures find comfort in staying in that moment of anger and betrayal. Moving on is uncomfortable and, at the moment, an unwanted notion.

But see, passion doesn’t die just because a dream fails. Your passion might remain; you’ll just have to find another way to accomplish your goal. Or your passion might shift to a completely different part of your life altogether.

That love for painting that you gave up to pursue an engineering degree might blossom now that you were rejected from MIT. That desire to be a nurse might grow now that you’ve failed the bar exam. That insane urge to own a B&B has taken root now that you were laid off from your nine-to-five office job because of budget cuts.

Passions evolve if nourished and encouraged to grow in a loving, supportive environment. My cousin over at Sweet Melissa’s Photography discovered her love for photography a year ago. My passion for writing exploded in August 2010, and has resulted in my own writer’s blog, membership to a few critiquing groups, and fine-tuning my style of writing. My cousin and I are the same age, an age when most people are settled into their careers, not looking to pursue a new one. We have husbands, children, and bills to pay. Yet we’ve found something we can both be passionate about despite our “old” age.

So before you start muttering about how much you hate your life, before you start wistfully wishing you still had that lost dream, before you wonder what you’re going to do now, think about those youthful dreams and visions. Think about how much they excited you. Think about how impassioned you were.

And, if you’re able to, act on them even if all you can do now is get a feel for whatever your passion might be. Just don’t give up yet.

Find it, find your niche, find your passion, and pursue it wholeheartedly.